au:apple_shenanigans   88

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The Power in the Vatican Vault is... Malik Al-Sayf
Instead of being killed by Abbas, Malik was somehow put into stasis and sent off to Templar lands -olive branch, maybe?- where he somehow also got stuck in Minerva's vault. After Ezio punches the pope and enters he doesn't find a recording by Minnie but a cranky, just woke up Malik who has no patience for all this drama.

+Malik kicks Templar ass during their escape, and comments on how the quality of their enemies had gone down.

+Malik making ALL the sassy comments but no one can speak his language. So sad.

+Malik seeing Altair's statue and just... I don't know... exploding and finding a translator to share ALL THE EMBRASSING STORIES. Like, why do you guys have a statue to a NOVICE in your basement? Seriously? Let me tell you the time he got booted back to novice for being an arrogant dumbass.
Part6  AC1  AC2  status:unfilled  character:Ezio_Auditore  character:Malik_Al-Sayf  genre:gen  AU:apple_shenanigans 
july 2018 by asscreedarchive
DLC!WashingtonxConnorxWashington-This Day Aria
((repost from an earlier part))

Any of you remember the Canterlot Wedding episode from My Little Pony? I will give my first born if you make a similar scenario happen only with a brainwashed Connor going to marry the fake DLCKing!Washington and daddy Haytham trying to put a stop to it only to discover the real Washington is trapped in some unknown dimension by the DLC!Washington using the Apple.

*Bonus: Having some smut involved between DLC!Washington and Brainwashed!Connor.
Part6  AC3  AC3:The_Tyranny_of_King_Washington  status:filling  -Repost  character:Connor(Ratonhnhaké:ton)  character:Haytham_Kenway  character:King_Washington  character:George_Washington  pairing:Connor/Washington  pairing:Connor/King_Washington  AU:apple_shenanigans 
july 2017 by asscreedarchive
Anyone up for genderswap femmeslash?
Take any one of the time-worn slash pairings. Add a dash of ~APPLE SHENANIGANS~ and now they're both girls. But they're both still into each other.

I'd love to see this with Desmond and Shaun, but any pairing will do.
Part6  AC:modern_assassins  status:unfilled  character:Desmond_Miles  character:Shaun_Hastings  pairing:Desmond/Shaun  genre:femslash  AU:apple_shenanigans  AU:genderswap 
february 2015 by asscreedarchive
Skelegrow, AltMal
So the Apple and other artifacts are supposedly what helped with/caused miracles, right? Like the parting of the Red Sea and other Great Events. And I mean, WE'VE all see it do some pretty cool shit in the game. Surely it could re-grow an arm, right? Anon, let Altair and the Apple give Malik his own personal miracle. :) And if you feel inspired to have Malik test out his new arm with sexytimes and Altair, well... that'd earn you a gazillion bonus points.
Part:Fills  AC1  status:filled  character:Altaïr_Ibn-La'Ahad  character:Malik_Al-Sayf  pairing:Altaïr/Malik  genre:slash  AU:apple_shenanigans 
october 2014 by asscreedarchive
Ezio/Altair, comfort sex
Remember the last page of the Codex where Altair decides to look into the Apple one last time? He did, and it consumed him. While exploring the Apple himself Ezio finds Altair (his mind, that is, but since they're projections of themselves, it'd seem quite real) half-driven mad with loneliness after all these years. Altair latches onto him, begging him to come back, not to leave him alone in the Apple. Ezio begins to return to talk to him, and then to make love to him.
Part1  AC1  AC2  status:unfilled  character:Altaïr_Ibn-La'Ahad  character:Ezio_Auditore  pairing:Altaïr/Ezio  genre:slash  kink:angst  AU:apple_shenanigans 
october 2014 by asscreedarchive
Okay anons... My semi-hard cock aches for crack. And not your stupid 'DAWWW looky there, anon! There's a little crack in the corner but lots of cute desu desu fluff and hawt sex and bawbaw angst to balance out everything and make it an actual story' BULLSHIT. I don't want a story. I want FULL ON motherfucking CRACK that will make green blood spurt out of my ass. I want to feel my brain MELT. Do you understand, anonymous? Do you fucking UNDERSTAND? So yeah, Ezio and Leonardo are dicking around with the apple or whatever, and they trip out and get physically transported somewhere (or mentally transported, whatever floats your boat) but they HAVE to get transported back with a bottle of sizzurp and a few blunts. And I want either Antonio or Bartolomeo (your choice) to get involved somehow. And I want someone to vomit jellybeans. And I want Leonardo to be a big, manly, hardcore bad ass and I want him to make Ezio feel like a pussy. And I want rave music. And I want lots of out of character slang. (Like "What the fuck Ezio, why did you eat all the motherfucking pasta!? I spent three hours on that shit, man. Three fucking hours. That's so not cool.") And I don't want anything to make ANY relative sense whatsoever. And if you wanna throw in a teeny tiny bit of cracky Leo/Ezio, that's fine too. And... *takes a breath* yep, I think I'm done.
Part1  AC2  status:filling  character:Ezio_Auditore  character:Leonardo_da_Vinci  character:Antonio_de_Magianis  character:Bartholomeo_d'Alviano  genre:gen  AU:apple_shenanigans 
october 2014 by asscreedarchive
Crazy World
AU story! Ezio, via apple, ends up in 21st century, but rather finding out about Desmond and Templars, he wakes up in Leonardo's fancy New York flat, where he is a super rich and successful business tycoon with inventions and prosthetics limbs. Why else would Malik have such an amazing robotic arm? WHAT? Altair and Malik are there to? Oh my!
Part1  AC2  AC:misc  status:unfilled  character:Ezio_Auditore  character:Leonardo_da_Vinci  character:Altaïr_Ibn-La'Ahad  character:Malik_Al-Sayf  genre:gen  AU:time_travel  AU:apple_shenanigans 
october 2014 by asscreedarchive
Apple Mishaps
Say something goes screwy when the apple came in contact with the staff. Ezio is sent to a different time line, a totally different life where he wakes up as young assistant to Leonardo in his workshop. The Auditore's are all dead, leaving Ezio an orphan who was lucky enough to be picked up by the artist at a very young age. Now Ezio is raving about stories of being a grown up man who is an assassin trying to kill the pope! He is scaring Leo's other assistant boys and the whole neighborhood. The doctors declare him unfit to stay in Leonardo's care if he goes on like this and he will be taken away to the insane asylum if Leonardo can't get a hold of his assistant. What will Leonardo do! What will happen to Ezio! Doesn't that sound like a great story!? =D Make it so writeanon! Make it so! =)
Part1  AC2  status:filling  character:Ezio_Auditore  character:Leonardo_da_Vinci  AU:apple_shenanigans 
october 2014 by asscreedarchive
New prompt/what if challenge for you writers since I've yet to see this done: What if Altair hadn't failed at the temple, Kadar was still alive, and Malik still had his arm? BUT Altair remembers how it was before and wonders if this is only a trick of the Apple while trying to go about exposing Al Maulim without having the tables turned on him. Anon would love to see some Altair/Brothers pairing in here somehow--preferably with possible jealous Malik as his brother and Altair grow closer.
Part1  AC1  status:filling  character:Altaïr_Ibn-La'Ahad  character:Malik_Al-Sayf  character:Kadar_Al-Sayf  AU:not_dead  AU:apple_shenanigans 
october 2014 by asscreedarchive
CRACK: Desmond is both Altair and Malik's decendant
Okay, this I class as CRACK if only for the subject matter. This anon is looking for as serious a fill as you can make it. Desmond is going through Altair's memories again, for whatever reason. Altair is studying the the Apple, when Desmond's perspective suddenly shifts to Malik's. Any memory that Rebecca tries to pull up after Altair's, only pulls up Malik's. Cue confusion and headaches. Turns out, the Apple did a full genderswap on Altair while he was fiddling with it. Malik tries to comfort the poor Assassin. After Altair comes to terms with his new gender, he and Malik eventually end up together. And then they have kids. :D ( I'd like Malik to try to woo Altair like a normal woman and fail spectacularly. ) I seem to remember somewhere that Des is unable to follow a woman's perspective? or is this just fanon? ( I don't know anymore. DX ) tl;dr: Altair is genderbent completely. Malik helps him and eventually they have kids. Desmond is shocked.
Part2  AC1  AC:modern_assassins  status:filling  character:Altaïr_Ibn-La'Ahad  character:Malik_Al-Sayf  character:Desmond_Miles  pairing:Altaïr/Malik  genre:het  AU:genderswap  AU:apple_shenanigans 
october 2014 by asscreedarchive
A really werid idea...
Bear with me well I ramble for bit. So I was think the Apple is an obvious plot device that has untold amount of uses right? So this got me thinking... what if some on either side of the war found it. And while examining it in wonder the Apple reacts to the person's inner yaoi fangirl and gives the person a DVD of Ezio/Altair/Desmond threesome goodness. Said person then decides to share the goodness by posting it on the Internet under the title everything is permitted... The result is all the yaoi fangirl and fanboys now support the creed... Because they have hot guy on guy action... I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this... but could someone please write me something to this effect??? I really want that threesome...
Part2  AC:modern_assassins  status:unfilled  character:Altaïr_Ibn-La'Ahad  character:Ezio_Auditore  character:Desmond_Miles  pairing:Altaïr/Desmond/Ezio  genre:slash  AU:apple_shenanigans 
october 2014 by asscreedarchive
Reincarnation fic, The Apple shows Malik his past transgretions
After everything that happened, Altair finding this big conspiracy, killing Al Mualim and getting everything any assassin or person would want, Malik still feels a little resentful about getting the short end of the stick. And, I don't know, maybe his feelings are so strong that the apple picks up on them or, Altair, already knowing about it because he felt guilty and consulted the apple on it (and not learning from his past with Abbas) actually shows Malik (without his knowledge?) what happened in the past. The thing is Malik was so very awful and cruel in his past lives with Altair (and possible to/along with kadar?) that the universe just had to find a way to balance everything out, kind of like the karma theory and Kadar actually got the better part of the deal, because he just had to start over, while Malik has to live with it. Maybe Altair was his wife and he treated her badly, maybe he was his slave or maybe he found this two little boys (altair and Kadar) and raped them or killed them in cold blood. I don't know, anything goes. I was thinking maybe short fragments of each lives could be 5 times kind of deal? I just want one of them in specific: Malik as a conquering warlord, seize the kingdom of Altair's father and makes the teen his slave. after that you can do whatever as long as Malik is behaving badly to Altair and/or Kadar. XD
Part6  AC1  status:unfilled  character:Altaïr_Ibn-La'Ahad  character:Malik_Al-Sayf  character:Kadar_Al-Sayf  pairing:Altaïr/Malik  genre:slash  AU:reincarnation  AU:apple_shenanigans 
october 2014 by asscreedarchive
Ezio secretly uses the Apple to make copies of himself, and then has impossibly loud, mind-blowing sex with Leonardo/Niccolò/Assassins of your choice, each in different rooms. During the sex, each partner briefly wonders who could possibly be causing Leonardo/Niccolò/Assassins of your choice to scream so loudly.
Part2  AC:Brotherhood  status:unfilled  character:Ezio_Auditore  character:Leonardo_da_Vinci  character:Niccolò_Machiavelli  character:recruits(AC2)  pairing:Ezio/Leonardo  pairing:Ezio/Machiavelli  pairing:Ezio/recruit  genre:slash  genre:het  kink:clone  AU:apple_shenanigans 
october 2014 by asscreedarchive
Build-up; The night before Ezio's family were executed, Uberto offered him somewhere to rest. Ezio accepted - and became the Borgia's captive. Rodrigo turned his enemy's son into his personal fucktoy, keeping him alive and warping his mind for years. He could use the Apple or good old fashioned brainwashing, letting Ezio roam his villa without worrying he'd run off or needing to chain him down. When Rodrigo has kids, Ezio is slightly involved with them, taking care of them when no one else is available etc. They know there's something different about him, but they don't twig into what it is until they are older/spy on Roddy ramming into Uncle Ezio. Of couse, this just sends their incestuous little minds into overdrive. The pay-off; Cesare is determined to have Ezio after witnessing his father, so manipulates a situation where they are alone (or alone with his sister who wants to watch) and has practised the right tone of voice to use to make his 'uncle' obey his every whim. I'd love if Ezio was disgusted/resigned/amused by it.
Part2  AC:Brotherhood  status:filled  character:Ezio_Auditore  character:Cesare_Borgia  character:Rogrigo_Borgia  pairing:Ezio/Cesare  pairing:Ezio/Rodrigo  genre:slash  kink:sexual_slavery  kink:brainwashing  AU:apple_shenanigans 
october 2014 by asscreedarchive
So the Apple and other artifacts are supposedly what helped with/caused miracles, right? Like the parting of the Red Sea and other Great Events. And I mean, WE'VE all see it do some pretty cool shit in the game. Surely it could re-grow an arm, right? Anon, let Altair and the Apple give Malik his own personal miracle. :) And if you feel inspired to have Malik test out his new arm with sexytimes and Altair, well... that'd earn you a gazillion bonus points.
Part2  AC1  status:filled(PF)  character:Altaïr_Ibn-La'Ahad  character:Malik_Al-Sayf  pairing:Altaïr/Malik  genre:slash  AU:apple_shenanigans 
september 2014 by asscreedarchive
Please someone fill this odd...thing. Ezio/Leonardo?
So after watching some Brotherhood playthroughs and Captain America I had a very strange dream. This might be a challenge but I really hope someone fills it. In the dream Ezio touched the Apple, mulling over a failed mission and how it cost him dearly, cursing his weakness. It sparked and shocked him but nothing came of it so he thought. However over several weeks something happens. His joints ache, nothing new he is a erhem mature man afterall, but that doesn't explain the fact he sleeping more, eating more. He's changing. Now it was over several weeks with Leonardo charting the changes. He is growing taller, more muscled. Think Captain America but step it up a notch. It sounds good at first but as we all know we aren't the most graceful of people during puberty and this 'change' might as well be called a second puberty for Ezio. (...)
Part6  AC:Brotherhood  status:unfilled  character:Ezio_Auditore  character:Leonardo_da_Vinci  pairing:Ezio/Leonardo  genre:slash  kink:ust  AU:apple_shenanigans 
august 2014 by asscreedarchive
Ezio wakes up with a vagina
Overuse of the Apple has serious side-effects. One morning, Ezio wakes up with his manparts missing and a vagina in their place. Cue freaking out. Bonus points if Ezio's lover, be that male or female, loves it and smut ensues.
Part2  AC2  status:filling  character:Ezio_Auditore  character:Rosa  pairing:Ezio/Rosa  genre:het  AU:apple_shenanigans  AU:genderswap 
august 2014 by asscreedarchive
Ghost of You
So, Revelations came out today and for some reason I just want to see something sad. Something that will make me cry and hug my computer like it was my only friend in the world. My need? Ezio stumbles upon Altair's tomb/coffin... somewhere within the fortress. (Finding it by accident or on purpose via map.) However, can it not end there? Can Ezio somehow get to talk with Altair? Maybe from the piece of Eden? Just something sad... that may or may not end in Ezio/Altair goodness... Just... no happy ending... Like after they talk and possibly do adult things Altair either fades away or get's sucked back into the coffin. Please annons? For Revelations sake?
Part3  AC:Brotherhood  status:unfilled  character:Altaïr_Ibn-La'Ahad  character:Ezio_Auditore  genre:gen  AU:apple_shenanigans 
august 2014 by asscreedarchive
Prompt: Three Eagles...and a side order of Sarcasm
I want Grandmaster!Desmond to find and inadvertently use the apple for his own secret fantasy- to meet Altair and Ezio, the great grandmasters of old. Shaun, watching from the doorway (also has a secret attraction Desmond's ancestors) is glad that Desmond used the apple in that way, even though he acts sour about it. Lucy is welcoming, and Rebecca is just, well...Rebecca. The two grandmasters of old decide to better educate their descendant, and soon, a mutual attraction is formed between the three. Shaun is jealous until he walks into them having a threesome, and Ezio invites him to join. tl;dr I basically want a plotty, yet smutty foursome. Bonus Points If: Desmond tops one of the ancestors or Shaun (50) Altair puts on a stripshow, while the other three watch (30) Rebecca manages to film the four and keeps it as wank material (100) If there is comedy in any form (My Soul and Firstborn)
Part3  AC:modern_assassins  status:unfilled  character:Desmond_Miles  character:Shaun_Hastings  character:Altaïr_Ibn-La'Ahad  character:Ezio_Auditore  character:Rebecca_Crane  character:Lucy_Stillman  pairing:Altaïr/Desmond/Ezio/Shaun  genre:slash  AU:apple_shenanigans 
august 2014 by asscreedarchive

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