attempted!suicide/suicidal!thoughts   157

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Great Blue World
A man wakes up in a ruined wasteland, without memories, without a name, without knowing the strange guy who claims to once have been an angel, or that he once had a little brother. All he knows is that the world is dying, everyone is lying to him, and that somehow, somewhere, something went terribly wrong. Because someone said Yes when they should have said No, and someone else paid the price.
269,437
SPN  SPN!Non-AU  Gen  Non-Con  Hurt/Sick!Boys  hurt!Sam  Angst  Character-Castiel  Character-Lucifer  Character-Michael  Character-Gabriel/The!Tickster  Character-Crowley  Season!5  AU!Season!5  Character-Bobby!Singer  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Epic  200000+  archiveofourown  Vessel  Vessel!Dean  Amnesia  Amnesia!Dean  post!Apocalypse  Sam&Castiel  Addiction  Addict!Sam  Torture 
may 2017 by chellexxx
Forty-Three Days
The stress of filming the last four episodes of season 3 have caught up with Jensen, who blames his hallucinations on Dean's emotional roller coaster and his own lack of sleep. But a short break between the season finale and the shooting of his new movie fails to improve his mental state. He abandons the movie and becomes a recluse in Vancouver, fearing for his own sanity. Once he realizes that the hallucinations are real, and there's more than just his sanity at stake, Jensen contacts Jared, who may be the only person able to understand what Jensen's going through. Jared arrives in Vancouver just in time to save Jensen's life, but the danger threatening Jensen remains. Their lives become a race against time, and the show has brought them more than they'd bargained for. Jared has to keep Jensen alive for 43 days. Can they make it? ..... 70,806
RPS  RPS!Non-AU  Slash  Jared/Jensen  Season!3  316  livejournal  Season!4  Angst  50000+  Emotionally!hurt  Emotionally!hurt!Jensen  First!Time  pdf/mobi  top!Jared  Bottom!Jared  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Depression  Hurt/Sick!Boys  hurt!Jensen  Long 
april 2017 by chellexxx
Learning to Live Again
Set after the boys went their separate ways. Sam called Dean to tell him that he was Lucifer’s vessel, only to have his brother tell him how much better they were apart. Hurt, and afraid, Sam did the only thing that he thought might work to keep Lucifer from claiming his vessel. Unfortunately, he woke up anyways. Only, when he woke, it was to find the Trickster of all people sitting on the bed across from him.

He hadn’t expected to see him of all people there, and he certainly hadn’t expected to find him in his car the next morning, announcing that he was going to be traveling with him. Together, they set out, one to try and stop this whole thing, and the other for reasons that he keeps to himself.

Loki’s open about his opinion that Sam is going to eventually say ‘yes’. To him, it’s not even a question To Sam, it’s the one thing he’s determined to keep from happening. 132,781
SPN  SPN!Non-AU  Slash  Sam/Gabriel  First!Time  Character-Gabriel/The!Tickster  Season!5  AU!Season!5  504  Character-Bobby!Singer  Character-Castiel  Character-Ellen!Harvelle  Character-Jo!Harvelle  Character-Jesse!Turner  Epic  archiveofourown  100000+  asshole!Dean  Separated!Boys  Angst  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Bottom!Sam  503  505  511  Character-Anna!Milton  Character-Zachariah  Angel  Bonding  Blood!Magic  Dean/Castiel  Possessive!OC  Powers!Sam  Depression  Emotionally!hurt  Emotionally!hurt!Sam 
march 2017 by chellexxx
Broken Wings
“To me, it will always remind myself of the fact that I control
what happens to my body, that I can control my body. It also means that
even though people will always see what they want to see, like a crow
instead of a raven, I will always know what it is, so I will know that
while people always see some guy in a wheelchair, I will remember that I
am Jared. And also... see how the wing is kind of stretched out? It’s
‘cause even though my wings may be broken... I know I’m still free...”
34,333
RPS  RPS!AU  Slash  First!Time  Romance  Ranch/Farm  Paralysis  Car!Accident  RPS!Family  Big!Bang  25000+  livejournal  Long  Angst  Bottom!Jared  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Tattoo!Artist!Jared  Tattoo!Shop  Permanent!Injury!Jared  Person-Chad!Michael!Murray  Person-Michael!Rosenbaum  Person-Sandy!McCoy  Person-Christian!Kane  Mike/Tom  Self!Harm  Person-Steve!Carlson  Person-Jason!Manns  Tattoo  Jared/ChristianKane 
june 2016 by chellexxx
Safe In the Arms of Love
Total AU Dean Winchester was just your average joe working as a
mechanic in his hometown of Lawarance,KS when he met Sam Logan and
everything changed. No slash or wincest! Warning: mentions of past abuse
of a minor. .... 70,358
SPN  SPN!AU  Gen  Teenchesters  Mechanic  Mechanic!Dean  hurt!Sam  Beaten  Abused  Abused!Sam  Hospitalized!Boys  Non-Con  Emotionally!hurt  Emotionally!hurt!Sam  Shrink  Bed!Sharing  Teacher  Parent/Guardian!Dean  Lawyer  Agent/Police  Local!LEOS/FBI  50000+  fanfiction.net  Long  Domestic!fic  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Hurt/Sick!Boys  Domestic!Violence  AU!Not!Brothers  AU!Not!Raised!as!Hunters 
march 2016 by chellexxx
Palladium
Jared Padalecki was sixteen when Earth was invaded, shattering
the world as he knew it. A year later, he was stunned when the leader of
the human resistance, Jensen Ackles, was captured by the aliens,
crushing the humans' last gasp of hope. Since then, Jared has made it
his life's mission to rescue and restore Jensen, even if he never
expects to get the chance to do either. But when that chance
unexpectedly comes, Jared has to overcome the obstacles that he's put in
his own way before he can work with his former hero, who's been a
captive for years. If they can overcome the ways they've both been
changed, they might be able to figure out a way to stop the invaders and
maybe even save the world. ... 64,263

Sequel

http://zuben-fic.livejournal.com/95304.html
RPS  RPS!AU  Slash  Jared/Jensen  First!Time  Alien  post!Apocalypse  hurt!Jensen  Abducted  Abducted!Jensen  Big!Bang  Mind!Reading  kick!ass!Jared  50000+  Long  livejournal  Angst  SciFi/Fantasy!AU  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Hurt/Sick!Boys  Person-Chad!Michael!Murray  Person-Mark!Pellegrino  Medical!Professional!Jared  Person-Christian!Kane  Person-Sophia!Bush  Person-Aldis!Hodge  Undercover/Secret!Identity 
february 2016 by chellexxx
Shadowland
Jared and Jensen are more than just co-stars but best friends
for life. So when Jensen is finally ready to tell Jared his biggest
secret, he never expects to be insulted and deprecated. Deeply hurt,
Jensen leaves, only to be terminally injured in an accident. Coming to
his senses, Jared regrets what has happened. While he struggles with his
bad conscience and prepares for Jensen´s death, he meets a young woman
who gives Jared the chance to make everything right again. If Jared can
fulfill four tasks in four years, Jensen´s life will be spared. Jared,
who would do everything to save Jensen´s life, agrees. His tasks brings
him to Shadowland, a place like Earth, but desolate, cold, and lonely.
Invisible in real world and struggling with Jensen´s fate and the
terrible role he played in the accident, all Jared has left are the
occasional visits he pays Jensen and the hope that he can make things
right again. ..... 58.832
RPS  RPS!Non-AU  Slash  Jared/Jensen  First!Time  Angst  hurt!Jensen  hurt!Jared  Homophobia  Confession  sick!Jared  Deal  Big!Bang  Schmoop  Romance  Emotionally!hurt  Emotionally!hurt!Jared  Emotionally!hurt!Jensen  50000+  Long  livejournal  Paralysis  Separated!Boys  Alone/Separated  Separated!Boys  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Hurt/Sick!Boys 
january 2016 by chellexxx
Without You (The Tears Dry)
for depressing, suicidal thoughts, also mentions of self-harm.
Warnings: Depressing, suicidal thoughts, also mentions of self-harm. Set
in season 8, spoilers for 9x03. Sam makes an unexpected discovery about
Dean. He's keeping a secret journal, in shape of series of cassettes,
for times he wasn't feeling so well. Maybe he didn’t know Dean as well
as he thought he did. But, suicide notes were the last thing on his
mind. .... 56,088
SPN!Non-AU  Gen  Season!8  Emotionally!hurt  Emotionally!hurt!Dean  Self!Harm  Secret  Long  fanfiction.net  livejournal  50000+  Depression  Angst  hurt!Dean  SPN  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Hurt/Sick!Boys  Deleted!Fic!or!Author  pdf/mobi 
november 2015 by chellexxx
Cut These Strings That Hold Me Safe
You know my name, you know my face, you'd know my heart, if you
knew my place." (Follow/Breaking Benjamin) When a not-so-fictional Dean
finds himself in a world where his brother is actually Jared, his
alleged filming partner, and he is supposed to be an actor on a TV show
rather than a hunter, things spin a lot further out of control than even
the Winchesters are used to. Can he find his way back to his own
reality or is nothing of what he remembers reality in the first place?
As Dean and Jared struggle to accept this new and unwanted situation, it
takes a long and painful trip for both of them to realize what they
have lost. But it's not always just about losing someone. .... 26,000
SPN!AU  Slash  Jared/Dean  Angst  Season!2  Actor!Jared  Big!Bang  25000+  Long  livejournal  Actor  SPN  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  What!Is!and!What!Should!Never!Be 
november 2015 by chellexxx
By a Single Thread (Mind!verse)
Dr. Jensen Ackles is a renowned neuro-psychologist and pioneer
surgeon in the field known as Mind Mapping, a procedure that involves
entering a coma patient's mindscape and sifting through their memories
and trauma to help the patient wake up from the coma. It’s a complex
procedure that requires strict rules and no lingering remnants of the
visit. But while working with his current patient—Jared Padalecki, male,
24, attempted suicide--Jensen discovers he’s in too deep. He’s formed a
dangerous emotional attachment to Jared that could have devastating
consequences. He finds himself in the difficult situation of risking his
own mind and sense of self by losing himself in Jared. But the more
memories he visits, and the more he gets to know Jared, the more Jensen
realizes how important it is that he save Jared’s life, whether it costs
Jensen his identity or not.
76,041

http://archiveofourown.org/works/4546152/chapters/10348446
RPS  RPS!AU  Slash  Jared/Jensen  First!Time  Big!Bang  Medical!Professional!Jensen  Coma  hurt!Jared  Mind!Reading  Depression  Self!Harm  Angst  Bullies  Emotionally!hurt  Emotionally!hurt!Jared  75000+  livejournal  archiveofourown  Epic  Hospitalized!Boys  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Hurt/Sick!Boys  Person-Chad!Michael!Murray  Person-Genevieve!Cortese/Padalecki  Person-Jeffrey!Dean!Morgan 
november 2015 by chellexxx
The Promises of Angels
Nick has never been anything more than a pawn, and he knows
that--but even a pawn, strategically placed, can change the game for
everyone. It's a world full of angels, demons, and humans all fighting
for control of the board. And while all he's really playing for is what
he was promised in the first place--peace that never seems to come--Nick
finds himself dragged back into a high-stakes game he can't afford to
lose. And, no matter how much he wants to break free, it becomes
increasingly clear that something buried deep inside him has changed, in
ways he can't possibly understand; ways that just might keep him
involved in the horrors that Heaven and Hell both inflict on humanity
and, in the end, make things better--or worse. Along the way, there are
friends and foes, wardens and protectors--and those who would try to use
him to shape the future they want to see, with or without his consent.
It begs the question--with truth and trust always in short supply, is
there ever any winner, in the end?
102,488

http://archiveofourown.org/works/4369910/chapters/9917705
SPN!Non-AU  Gen  post!Season!5  Angel  Torture  Big!Bang  100000+  Epic  archiveofourown  livejournal  Outsider!POV  Angst  hurt!OC  SPN  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Character-Adam!Milligan  Character-Castiel  Character-Hannah  Character-Crowley  Character-Lucifer  Character-Garth!Fitzgerald!IV  Character-Meg  Character-Kevin!Tran  Character-Claire!Novak  Character-Abaddon  Character-Gadreel  Character-Naomi 
november 2015 by chellexxx
What You Don't Know
Dean comes back from Purgatory and finds his brother
domesticated and withdrawn from the hunting life. Naturally he jumps to
the conclusion that Sam abandoned him to find his cursed normal while
Dean fought for his life. He should have known not to assume anything
when it came to his little brother. ... 7.440
SPN!Non-AU  Gen  Season!8  806  Angst  Confession  hurt!Sam  Emotionally!hurt  Emotionally!hurt!Sam  Voicemail  Amulet  Bed!Sharing  Mute!Sam  5000+  archiveofourown  Mute  SPN  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Hurt/Sick!Boys  Fix-It-Fic 
september 2015 by chellexxx
Turn Away From Evil
Based on the film "Deliver Us From Evil" which is based on a
true story. New York police officer Dean Winchester investigates a
series of crimes. He and his partner, Jody Mills, join forces with an
unconventional priest (Sam Wesson), schooled in the rites of exorcism,
to combat the possessions that are terrorizing their city. ... 35,180

http://archiveofourown.org/works/4731527
SPN!AU  Slash  Sam/Dean  First!Time  Agent/Police!Dean  Local!LEOS/FBI  top!Sam  Non-Con  archiveofourown  Long  35000+  Demon  Possessed!OC  Case!fic  Angst  livejournal  Agent/Police  SPN  Based!on!a!Movie/Book/TV!Show  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  AU!Not!Brothers  AU!Not!Raised!as!Hunters  Movie-Deliver!Us!From!Evil  Character-Bobby!Singer  Character-Adam!Milligan  Character-Garth!Fitzgerald!IV  Character-Ruby  Character-Rufus!Turner  Character-Jody!Mills  Character-Jo!Harvelle  Priest  Priest!Sam 
september 2015 by chellexxx
Wicked Game
It was supposed to be easy. Safe. His new neighbor, Jensen,
with his broad shoulders, the heavy metal band shirts, the dog tags and
all kinds of scars was not Jared's type. Wasn't even gay. It was
supposed to be a casual friendship. But somewhere between unsuccessful
dates with pretty young men and summer days spend on motorcycle rides or
watching cheesy 80s movies with Jensen, things changed for Jared.
Question was, had they changed for Jensen, too? .... 21,000
RPS  RPS!AU  Slash  Jared/Jensen  First!Time  Neighbour  PTSD  Big!Bang  pdf/mobi  Long  20000+  livejournal  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts 
september 2015 by chellexxx
Burnt Offerings
Dean’s a ghost but hey, Sam will get him back alive and in the
meantime, he’s right here, so it’s all okay, right? Right? What’s right
is the Winchester brother’s complicated, impossible codependent need to
fix it, regardless of the consequences. Set around 9:10, before they
find the Book of the Damned. ... 26,000

http://archiveofourown.org/works/4114468
SPN!Non-AU  Gen  Season!9  910  Ghost  Ghost!Dean  Big!Bang  livejournal  archiveofourown  25000+  Long  hurt!Sam  Brain/Head!injury  Case!fic  SPN  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Hurt/Sick!Boys  Character-Castiel  Character-Crowley 
september 2015 by chellexxx
Carry That Weight
Coda to "The Things They Carried." Contains Spoilers. Sam and
Dean have a Brother Moment after leaving Fayetteville. Sam contemplates
how he handled his side of the case and what the future may hold. ...
2.098
SPN!Non-AU  Gen  Season!10  1015  Angst  asshole!Dean  Memories/Flashback  Emotionally!hurt  Emotionally!hurt!Sam  1000+  Short  archiveofourown  SPN  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Hurt/Sick!Boys 
august 2015 by chellexxx
if love sits on your heart like stone
Warnings: Themes of depression, self-harm, suicide ideation.
Post Swan Song AU: If Dean can’t be sure of anything else in the world,
he can be sure of this - he was made for Sam. Made to take care of him,
protect him, look after him. If Sam is gone, then there is no purpose to
his existence. If Sam is gone, there is only one course of action - get
Sam back. This is the story of Sam and Dean finding their way back to
each other, driving down the highway, saving people, hunting things.
..... 32,433

http://archiveofourown.org/works/4152621/chapters/9368958
SPN!Non-AU  Gen  Slash  Sam/Dean  post!Season!5  Mute!Dean  Self!Harm  kick!ass!Sam  kick!ass!Dean  Angst  Big!Bang  25000+  archiveofourown  livejournal  Long  Mute  SPN  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Character-Bobby!Singer  Character-Castiel  Character-Missouri!Moseley 
august 2015 by chellexxx
The Right Call
If Sam dies in the past, John won't be forced to sacrifice
himself for Dean after a car accident, Dean won't go to Hell, and
Lucifer's cage will stay shut. ..... Sam's family completely disagrees
.................... 4,355
SPN!Non-AU  Gen  Season!5  516  Time!Travel  Amulet  Insecurity  Separated!Boys  archiveofourown  Short  1000+  SPN  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Time!Travelling!Dean  Time!Travelling!Sam  Character-Castiel  Character-Gabriel/The!Tickster  Character-John!Winchester 
june 2015 by chellexxx
To End a Life
After Sam walks away from Dean, he begins to wonder if there's
anything in his life worth saving. Tag to 5x02: Good God, Y'all! ....
1,116
SPN!Non-AU  Gen  Season!5  502  Separated!Boys  Alone/Separated  Angst  1000+  Short  fanfiction.net  Separated!Boys  SPN  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts 
may 2015 by chellexxx
Fixing The Damage
Based on this prompt about Sam getting poisoned while he and
Dean are at odds. Dean is gone, and Castiel is the one to come to the
rescue. .... 1,293
SPN!Non-AU  Gen  Season!5  AU!Season!5  504  Poison  sick!Sam  hurt!Sam  Sam&Castiel  1000+  archiveofourown  Short  SPN  Attempted!Suicide/Suicidal!Thoughts  Hurt/Sick!Boys  Character-Castiel 
may 2015 by chellexxx

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