a:mallory-ortberg★★★   11

‘Mallory Is Not Gone’: Daniel Mallory Ortberg on Coming Out As Trans The beloved internet writer talks to Heather Havrilesky about his new identity.
"I think especially in terms of transitioning one of the things that’s been on my mind is that there are elements of what I do that are very much who I am, and there are also parts that are a schtick. And there are aspects of my schtick that are just not going to carry over. The things that were fun, provocative, exciting, transgressive to do as a woman are not going to be the same."
a:Heather-Havrilesky★★  a:Mallory-Ortberg★★★  p:The-Cut★  d:2018.03.13  w:3500  interview  transgender  gender  from twitter
march 2018 by bankbryan
The “United Front” Edition
"It’s sort of like, what is your stated goal here? To make people’s lives easier? Well, perhaps slamming doors, or making people dance around you, or awkwardly holding elevators for people such that they have to sidle past you like they’re crab-walking is maybe not the best way to achieve that stated goal? And you should reconsider the way that you’re going about the things that you think are important."
a:Mallory-Ortberg★★★  a:Christian-Brown  p:Slate/Dear-Prudence★★  d:2017.05.03  podcast  instructional  etiquette  gender  from twitter
july 2017 by bankbryan
The “P.S.A.” edition.
"I have a general piece of advice, for all of my listeners. Sometimes life feels bewildering and overwhelming. You might find that familiar at present. And you think, what am I doing? What’s this all building towards? What kind of world am I trying to help create or be a part of? And if you find that question to be disorienting, or distressing, or too big, or too overwhelming, I want to help you focus this, and I want you to keep your eye on the prize. And the prize is this: we need to help build the kind of world where Starfleet is going to come into existence. You all know that Starfleet was built in 2161, and the headquarters are in San Francisco, just across the Golden Gate Bridge. This is why I live in the Bay Area, because I want to be here when Starfleet starts. Make the world that Starfleet can exist in. Whatever that means for you, as you face questions, problems, choices throughout your day — ask, does this bring us slightly closer to a world where first contact with Vulcan can happen and we can establish the United Federation of Planets? Or is this taking us towards the Mirrorverse? And that’s the only question you need to ask yourself today. Help me build Starfleet; I really want to join."
a:Mallory-Ortberg★★★  p:Slate/Dear-Prudence★★  d:2017.03.15  podcast  Star-Trek  from twitter
june 2017 by bankbryan
The “Line in the Sand” Edition
"Stop stressing out about it, go ahead, put them on mute, defriend them — that’s an *option to you*. You can actually just, like, cheerfully not engage with someone who *really* wants you to closely follow the ups and downs of their social life. Just don’t worry about it. This is a *non-problem*. Walk away — walk away from *everything*, guys! This is just good, general advice. Burn your house down, torch your social media accounts, put everything you own in a bindle, and just… walk the earth. That’s all you need – just a bindle, and your thoughts."
a:Mallory-Ortberg★★★  p:Slate/Dear-Prudence★★  d:2017.02.08  podcast  instructional  social-media  Facebook  from twitter
june 2017 by bankbryan
Married to His Mom
"If you were really 'happy to help in any way if it is needed', you would have happily offered to pay the bill without being asked, which suggests to me you are being disingenuous. I hope your girlfriend breaks up with you as soon as possible. I hope she invents time travel so that she can break up with you before you tried to fob her off with 'It’s not about the money, it’s the principle of the thing, and the principle of the thing is that I don’t think I should be held responsible when my actions have consequences I don’t like,' then travels further back in time to convince your ex-wife to leave you sooner."
a:Mallory-Ortberg★★★  p:Slate/Dear-Prudence★★  d:2016.09.07  w:3000  instructional  ethics  relationships  from twitter
december 2016 by bankbryan
If Justin Bieber Were My Terrible, Golden Son
"If Justin Bieber were my great gallumphing boy, I would outrun imposter syndrome with a giant rocking-horse and throw salt on the very concept of self-doubt so that it withered and died at my feet. If Justin Bieber were my son, I would reward his good behavior with sardines, like how they give one to the dolphins at Sea World every time they do a trick."
a:Mallory-Ortberg★★★  p:The-Toast★  d:2016.03.16  w:500  list  Justin-Beiber  parenting  from twitter
march 2016 by bankbryan
Things I Believe Drake To Did Become Worthy Of Serena Williams
"- Casually looked up tennis scoring names on his phone just before starting conversation with her, clenching his fist and muttering to himself, “It’s love, fifteen, thirty, forty, game, you can do this, Aubrey”
- Played carnival games regularly in order to experience the feeling of *constantly winning* so he’d have something to talk about with her, and also a lot of stuffed animals to give her"
a:Mallory-Ortberg★★★  p:The-Toast★  d:2015.08.25  w:500  list  relationships  tennis  from iphone
september 2015 by bankbryan
Dirtbag Karl Marx
"HENRIETTA MARX: have you cleaned your room yet
KARL MARX: it is the resident of the room who should determine when and with what methods the room should be cleaned
HENRIETTA MARX: just make sure it’s clean before you go out
i hope you end up like industrial capitalism
and destroy yourself
HENRIETTA MARX: what was that?
KARL MARX: i hope you end up like industrial capitalism
and are
a:Mallory-Ortberg★★★  p:The-Toast★  d:2015.08.18  w:500  satire  communism  teens  capitalism  from twitter
august 2015 by bankbryan
Questions I Have About The Harper Lee Editor Interview
"Q: Have you asked Harper Lee for her opinion on publishing this book?
A: Well, she’s very deaf, and it’s difficult to call her nursing home.
Q: Okay, but have you asked her?
A: The legal issues are all sorted out now, if that’s what you mean.
Q: That isn’t what I mean. Has anyone at Harper asked the author of this book if she actually wants to have it published, unedited? Or did you just find a copy of an old manuscript of hers and wanted to see if you could publish it without her objections because she doesn’t have an active advocate? Is there a strategy here, or are you just sort of publishing whatever you find in the back offices?
A: I call her Nelle!"
a:Mallory-Ortberg★★★  p:The-Toast★  d:2015.02.04  w:2000  law  books  from twitter
february 2015 by bankbryan
Next On "Black Mirror"
"Grendel’s Mother Pays A Visit At Tea-Time
A woman falls out of a plane and wakes up to find that it wasn’t a plane at all. It was her seven-year-old daughter, who she had murdered because she kept blocking the screen while she (the mother, that is) was trying to watch reality television. Now she’s trapped inside of reality television, and all of the judges are seven-year-old girls with cattle prods. The real monster is society."
a:Mallory-Ortberg★★★  p:The-Toast★  d:2015.01.20  w:500  satire  list  television  society  from twitter
january 2015 by bankbryan

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