Programming   1230391

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The Night Watch - James Mickens
As a highly trained academic researcher, I spend a lot of time trying
to advance the frontiers of human knowledge. However, as someone
who was born in the South, I secretly believe that true progress is
a fantasy, and that I need to prepare for the end times, and for the chickens
coming home to roost, and fast zombies, and slow zombies, and the polite
zombies who say “sir” and “ma’am” but then try to eat your brain to acquire
your skills. When the revolution comes, I need to be prepared; thus, in the
quiet moments, when I’m not producing incredible scientific breakthroughs,
I think about what I’ll do when the weather forecast inevitably becomes
RIVERS OF BLOOD ALL DAY EVERY DAY. The main thing that I ponder is
who will be in my gang, because the likelihood of post-apocalyptic survival
is directly related to the size and quality of your rag-tag group of associates.
There are some obvious people who I’ll need to recruit: a locksmith (to open
doors); a demolitions expert (for when the locksmith has run out of ideas);
and a person who can procure, train, and then throw snakes at my enemies
(because, in a world without hope, snake throwing is a reasonable way to
resolve disputes). All of these people will play a role in my ultimate success
as a dystopian warlord philosopher. However, the most important person in
my gang will be a systems programmer. A person who can debug a device
driver or a distributed system is a person who can be trusted in a Hobbesian
nightmare of breathtaking scope; a systems programmer has seen the terrors
of the world and understood the intrinsic horror of existence. The systems
programmer has written drivers for buggy devices whose firmware was
implemented by a drunken child or a sober goldfish. The systems programmer
has traced a network problem across eight machines, three time zones,
and a brief diversion into Amish country, where the problem was transmitted
in the front left hoof of a mule named Deliverance. The systems programmer
has read the kernel source, to better understand the deep ways of the
universe, and the systems programmer has seen the comment in the scheduler
that says “DOES THIS WORK LOL,” and the systems programmer has
wept instead of LOLed, and the systems programmer has submitted a kernel
patch to restore balance to The Force and fix the priority inversion that was
causing MySQL to hang. A systems programmer will know what to do when
society breaks down, because the systems programmer already lives in a
world without law.
programming  humor 
11 hours ago by darren_n
Transducers in Swift
Transducers allow us to use only one intermeidate array and one iteration through the array to apply many transformations while being in control of the way it reduces.
programming  apple 
11 hours ago by pelley

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